Growing Intimacy & Finding Meaning During COVID-19
“Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.”
This is a rare moment in our world’s history. Amid the sickness and death of this worldwide pandemic, there is also life. Our thoughts naturally flow to concern for those already ill from the coronavirus, healthcare workers on the frontline, vulnerable populations, and how to keep ourselves and our loved ones well. Over the past few weeks, we have all likely experienced concern, fear, and worry. What we do with these emotions, and how we progress with this new normal way of living, is up to us. We get to choose whether we overexpose ourselves to life-draining energy — or align with what uplifts us. We can focus on the unique opportunities this time presents, or on our perceived fears of what’s to come. We can use the commuting time we save for self-care, growth, and discovery. We can see what blossoms from opening with curiosity and focusing on love.
This time, right now, presents the perfect opportunity to step back and ponder the questions you’re usually too busy to ask. What’s most important to me? How do I anchor that into my life? Now is the time to finally put in place self-care habits that nourish you. It’s the time to really get the power of your choice, to discover the beauty of your spirit and the strength of your natural resiliency. In this way, you can come out on the other side of this in a better way. Imagine, when this is over, feeling grateful for the time that brought you closer to people you care about, more in touch with your own authenticity, and more confident with the “yes’s” and “no’s” in your life.
When I think of this through the lens of whole person wellbeing, it brings to mind the pillars of self-responsibility and love, and the dimensions of intimacy and finding meaning. How we care for ourselves, the depth of our connections, and our ability to contribute from a place of authenticity are keys to not only surviving, but making this experience meaningful and life-enhancing.
We can look back in history for examples of people doing just that. Shakespeare wrote several of his most famous plays while quarantined during a plague outbreak. Victor Frankl is another example. Even during the horrors of the Holocaust, he was able to exercise the most important freedom of all: the freedom to choose his own attitude. The freedom to remain connected to spirit, his inner knowing, his truth. That choice led him to offer others compassion while they were held in concentration camps, and contributed significantly to his later works, including his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
To come out on the other side of this as stronger, better humans, I believe we must dare to create a strong bond with ourselves first. This is the root of intimacy — of all types, not just romantic or sexual intimacy. In the spirit of self-responsibility and love, we strive to resolve shame and move toward connection and vulnerability. We show courage in owning our ability to strengthen our attitudinal muscles and choose compassionate responses. We become aware of ways we choose to disconnect and take the risk of connection. We do all of this because we know that when we hold ourselves to our highest, we’re best able to serve others, and thus to live our purpose.
From a yoga perspective, living your purpose is essential to health and wellbeing. The yoga term for this is dharma. The belief is that each one of us is here for a uniquely specific reason. When we aren’t living our purpose, it negatively impacts all aspects of our health and happiness. Generally, we don’t feel good inside — and may attempt to tamp down the swell of uncomfortable emotions — by overeating, overdrinking, being overly busy, or with general distraction.
The self-discovery path on which you might embark can begin in whatever way feels good to you. Check in, journal, ask yourself questions that get to the root of you. Get curious about your purpose, your personal ‘why I get out of bed every morning’ statement. Be honest with yourself. Check in with how your answers feel within your body. Explore ways of moving, eating, and slowing down that feel good to you. Allow your inner voice to guide you. Notice where your thoughts roam. Change them if you choose to. Notice who benefits from your living in alignment with choices that make you shine. Let that awareness bring willingness and commitment to your new way of being.
This historic moment will pass. When it does, how will you remember it? That choice is up to you. Enjoy the journey and stay well.