Finding the Courage to Choose Love when Fear Abounds
Within each of us lie the energetic forces of fear and love. I don’t know about you, but I am feeling the pull more strongly than ever. I know from my years of training in yoga, wellbeing and coaching that both are aspects of our human nature. I also know that we can activate different regions of our brains and hearts at will, to elicit feeling states aligned with love.
Especially now, I relate to both the challenge and importance of choosing courage over fear, compassion amid suffering, and equanimity when weighing perspectives that are worlds away from my own.
When I think about life before — before Trump, before COVID, before the U.S. left Afghanistan, before Russia invaded Ukraine, I realize I was riding the waves of what felt like a certainty of peace. I know life is never truly predictable; after all, who knows what will happen tomorrow. But the day-to-day uncertainties felt more manageable, and my lifestyle practices and daily routines were doing the job of helping me navigate the world in a way that felt balanced and meaningful to me.
I’m realizing that the gift of now, of facing life with a heavy dose of uncertainty, is learning to LIVE with it . My Afghan friend Zeba shared with me what she said to her lawyer when asked why she wanted to remain in the U.S. She answered (paraphrased): “If I return to Afghanistan, I will not be safe, and if I survive, I will not be LIVING. I may be breathing. Animals breathe. As a human, I am meant to LIVE. I want to LIVE, it is my right.” Zeba’s commitment—and that of the other Afghan students I have come to know and love in the past few months—to LIVE in the face of more uncertainty than most of us can imagine is an inspiring testament of courage.
They have helped me realize on a deeply personal level just how important it is to use my privilege to do better in the world. While part of me is still ‘quivering in my boots’ if I let my mind focus on what scares me, I’m attempting to live with today’s uncertainty without judgement and with an earnest commitment to activating the power of love.
When I consider the alternative, it’s a no-brainer. It’s not a stretch to imagine the big picture if fear wreaks havoc in the world. It’s clear to me when I see fear as a dominant force in my own life, or in the lives of my coaching clients, that it does no good. Physiologically, it shuts down creativity, connection, and our ability to live in alignment with meaning and purpose. It exhausts and depletes us. It takes courage, sometimes tremendous courage, to step away from what is known and towards the ‘no-guarantees’ way of living in love. Not doing so is tantamount to giving away our power. As Zeba would say, it is not LIVING.
Think about a time when you felt most alive, most aligned with the gifts you offered the world. Breathe into that space, which was most certainly fueled by love. Fueled by your earnest, deep desire to do something of value. Living with love as the dominant life power not only feels good and is aligned with positive health outcomes, it has beneficial ripple effects on others. Love and fear cannot co-exist in the same moment. We must choose.
When we choose to align with love, fear doesn’t disappear. But as we activate and proactively strengthen love’s power, fear’s power weakens. Given the dramatic shifts of the past decade, it’s understandable that fear has become the primary driver for so many. Fear-based thinking, speaking, and being is endemic in today’s culture. Turning away from fear doesn’t mean we don’t feel outrage. It means we take the fuel of that outrage and direct it to the power of love.
Choosing to activate love takes skill, commitment, and practice. Awareness in micro-moments is a good place to start. By tuning into our bodies and our feelings, we can notice when anger, anxiety, worry, or overwhelm show up, and recognize the underlying fear. Our full range of human emotions will always be present. However, pausing to notice, release, and then shift out of those aligned with fear is essential to stepping into the power of love.
Your world, community, and those closest to you need your love now more than ever. No one is served if you hold tight to worry, angst, or fear. Taking small steps towards love will help you loosen your grip on fear. You’ll recognize love by how it feels. Like an internal ‘yes!’ that has an energetic kick. Be gentle with yourself. Change takes time — and beating yourself up for not ‘getting it’ quicker is the antithesis of a loving choice. There’s no instant path to mastery. Awareness, intention, and active practice will help your love muscles get stronger than your habitual fear response.
Love is stronger than fear. Choose love.